The Pressure To Have A Perfect Body

Our obsession to look the best can come at the cost of our sanity.

Sometimes, I’m afraid to show my body when it’s not “fit”. When there’s no gym pump or flattering lighting that’ll make me look perfectly sculpted. There’s times I catch myself sucking in my stomach, feeling the pressure to keep it all together, especially on days I feel bloated and worry about my stomach protruding over the waistline on my pants.

Like so many others in the gay community, I’ve felt this relentless pressure to maintain a muscular, “six-pack” physique. I had convinced myself that this was the only way to be accepted, to be wanted, to be loved. Over the years, my weight has fluctuated. I used to see this as a struggle, believing something was wrong with me if I didn’t look “perfect.”

Perfect abs.
Perfect ass.
Perfect arms.

But the chase for this so-called perfect body definitely took its toll on me. I’d convinced myself that as long as I went to the gym and looked a certain way that I was making good choices for myself. I equated visible muscles with healthy living, thinking that my worth was somehow tied up in how my body looked.

The truth is, even when I had those abs or sculpted arms, I wasn’t satisfied. I’d find myself doom-scrolling through Instagram, feeling desperate for the attention other guys received. I’d obsess over what short shorts they were wearing and where I could buy them because I thought “Look at all these guys who want them. Maybe they’ll want me too if I wear those”.

It got to the point where I was constantly tweaking my workouts, chasing after a body I believed was the only desirable one.

Stairmaster.
Squats.
Treadmill.
Lunges.

Anything to get to what I thought was the ideal image. 

But this obsession had been planted long before I ever stepped into a gym. Growing up, my family lovingly called me the “vacuum cleaner” because I’d eat everything in sight. But as a teenager, I started feeling shame about my body. I remember being hesitant to take off my shirt, embarrassed not only by my size but by my body hair. Seeing clean-shaven, chiseled men in porn only deepened this feeling of inadequacy.

Social media is where the obsession truly took hold. As I got in shape, the attention poured in, and it was like medicine for my insecurities. If I felt lonely, I’d post a thirst trap and instantly be flooded with messages. If I felt unworthy, another post would validate me. And yet, there was never a moment of peace. I kept waiting to feel enough, but that validation was never more than temporary.

And so began the cycle of trying to maintain a “healthy” body that ultimately made me feel anything but healthy.

It’s taken a long time to recognize who I am beyond the body I see in the mirror. To truly see the beauty in my heart, my soul, my knowledge, and my love. But even now, I catch myself feeling the pull to conform to standards that don’t reflect who I am inside. I am only human after all.

Don’t get me wrong, I really love working out. The gym has become more than just a place to “get in shape”. It’s my outlet, my motivation, a place where I can process my thoughts and find joy through movement. But I’ve worked hard to let go of the idea that I need to mold myself to a standard that chips away at my worth.

Getting in shape can be a beautiful journey. It offers a path to self-reflection and strength. But losing yourself in comparison often leads to frustration, even disgust about yourself, and those dreams of self-improvement can quickly turn into nightmares.

As I continue this journey to accept myself at any shape and size, I write this as a reminder to myself and to anyone who needs to hear it:

I am beautiful, regardless of what the mirror shows on any given day. My worth doesn’t rise or fall just because my body changes. I want to be loved for my values and the light I bring into this world, not just for how my body looks.

I’m deeply grateful to everyone who has resisted these beauty standards and paved the way for authenticity. My hope is that one day, we’ll move beyond narrow definitions of beauty and embrace the love and light each of us contributes to this world.

Much love.